


always (never) how it is

by midnight_cowboy



Series: Sasha Week 2021 [1]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Gen, Mentioned Grizzop drik Acht Amsterdam, Minor Character Death, RQG 89, mentioned Barett Racket, no beta we die like romans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28818045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_cowboy/pseuds/midnight_cowboy
Summary: All Sasha can think in this moment is “that’s how it is”.Because it's always like this.
Series: Sasha Week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2112894
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	always (never) how it is

**Author's Note:**

> Sasha Week 2021 babey!! first time in years I'm participating in a fandom related challenge; hope this keeps up for 2021.  
> I constantly think about the Cairo scene, and wanted to post my take on Sasha's mental state during the squizzard attack.
> 
> Day 1: Danger.

When Sasha notices the cowled figure, behind the crowd that gathered for Hamid’s sister’s funeral, all she can think is “that’s how it is”.

It’s always like this.

It’s _always_ like this, because in what world could Sasha ever be truly free? Where she could step without a worry, without a glance over her shoulder, without a Barrett’s goon following her, or without taking the people she cares for?

She’s a single, tightened string, thrumming with impatience from that moment on. Her fingers itch, and Sasha has to squeeze the dagger she snuck under her clothes to keep panic from overtaking her.

She can’t let him take all of this from her.

She can’t let Barrett touch Hamid’s family, won’t let him raise a finger against Grizzop or Azu; she _refuses to_. 

These are _her_ people now. Maybe only companions ever until she dies, and very quickly, once again because _Barrett_ had helped with Mr Ceiling.

She lost Brock, and soon might lose herself; she can’t let Barrett do it anymore.

It won’t _ever_ be like this again.

So, when Sasha notices the figure again later on, she taps Grizzop on the shoulder, and springs into action, her new daggers, fire and ice, at the ready.

It’s the first time she directly attacks someone – _something_ – of Barrett. It probably should feel good. It doesn't.

Panic shakes her whole body when she misses – but Sasha makes sure she doesn’t, the second time. 

And, as the figure crumples, she keeps stabbing.

She keeps plunging, again, and again, and _again_ , even as her shaking becomes worse, as her eyes veil up with tears and she starts missing the flesh.

There’s no satisfaction in it, at all; because this is all only a start, isn’t it?

It’s always like this, and Sasha cannot change anything.

And that's the thought that breaks her.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm also on [tumblr](https://rinnannon.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/rinnannon).


End file.
